What If It's Enough?

I often feel like my experience with motherhood and life is like a big game of Tetris.  With geometric shapes falling out of the sky, it's my responsibility to make sure they land in their proper place and stack in the most efficient manner.  It's fun in the beginner levels, rarely are any shapes misplaced and its easy to "clear a line," making sure the matrix never even fills half way.  But as the levels begin to advance, the game gets harder.  More and more shapes fall unguided and soon they stack up, out of place. Those neglected shapes are soon outweighing, by far, the ones I am able to get a hold of to place intentionally.

 Some of the labels I give my Tetris shapes could be routines, teaching moments, family dinner, housework, uplifting others, education, and the list can go on.  When too many shapes begin to pile up, the stack can quickly get too close to the top.  Sometimes I feel like I may as well just quit trying, because I will lose no matter what I do.  At times like these I need to change my intent from having everything perfect to being in survival mode--merely avoiding "game over."  An optimistic mind remembers that the game can change with just a couple right moves.  Before I know it, I "clear a line" or two and things are manageable again.

When I got pregnant with my third child, I decided that I wanted to have an all natural birth.  To help me through my birthing time, I learned to use self-hypnosis.  In my training program there was a particular article that stuck with me through my baby's birth and in life ever since.  The article cautioned that many people question whether or not they will be "prepared enough" or if the "hypnosis will be strong enough" when things progress to the most difficult point.  The article advised that when those doubts creep in, instead of asking the pessimistic question, "What if I didn't prepare enough? or "What if I'm not really in hypnosis?" ask yourself this more optimistic question, "What if I HAVE done enough?"

In the back of my mind I constantly have questions like these: Do I have enough "I love you rituals" with my children?  Will the responsibilities I have given my children be enough to teach them to be workers and take ownership in their lives?  Am I providing my children with the experiences they need to grow in all facets of life?  What if I'm not seeing an opportunity or a need in one of my children?  Do I allow too much time for things of lesser priority?  Of course, there is always room for improvement, but I can spiral into a feeling of hopelessness if I permit myself to answer these questions negatively, believing that I am failing.

Instead I combat these thoughts with the one question, "What if the things I am doing ARE enough?"  Then I begin thinking of my efforts, my feelings for my children, the few shapes that I AM able to get a solid hold of and put in place before they fall, and I cling to hope.  As I do this, I find myself taking courage to keep trying and refusing to let myself get discouraged and overwhelmed.

Depression is growing among our society at a high rate.  Even children are being affected by depression like never before.  Dr. Martin Seligman, author of Learned Optimism and The Optimistic Child, has most often found the cause of depression to be a pessimistic thought pattern.  He suggests that optimism is the key component in fighting off depression.  Optimism begins with our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us--and it can be learned.

Optimism is stifled when we see everything in life through eyes of "permanence." Things change, often for the better.  Dr. Seligman's research shows that when thinking of less than perfect situations in life, using words like "today, sometimes, and lately" instead of "always and never" set up a platform for positive thinking and the motivation to begin moving in a more desirable direction to improve your life.  Looking at less than ideal factors in life as changeable can give us motivation to do and to try.

Motherhood is very demanding.  Many women would consider it the refiner's fire.  I firmly believe that most mothers do the very best they know how.  I also believe that every effort counts. Great and wonderful things happen because of small and simple things.  No mother is perfect.  Each of us can only give what we know to be our very best and hold to the idea that it WILL be enough.