I often feel like my experience with motherhood and life is like a big game of Tetris. With geometric shapes falling out of the sky, it's my responsibility to make sure they land in their proper place and stack in the most efficient manner. It's fun in the beginner levels, rarely are any shapes misplaced and its easy to "clear a line," making sure the matrix never even fills half way. But as the levels begin to advance, the game gets harder. More and more shapes fall unguided and soon they stack up, out of place. Those neglected shapes are soon outweighing, by far, the ones I am able to get a hold of to place intentionally.
Some of the labels I give my Tetris shapes could be routines, teaching moments, family dinner, housework, uplifting others, education, and the list can go on. When too many shapes begin to pile up, the stack can quickly get too close to the top. Sometimes I feel like I may as well just quit trying, because I will lose no matter what I do. At times like these I need to change my intent from having everything perfect to being in survival mode--merely avoiding "game over." An optimistic mind remembers that the game can change with just a couple right moves. Before I know it, I "clear a line" or two and things are manageable again.
When I got pregnant with my third child, I decided that I wanted to have an all natural birth. To help me through my birthing time, I learned to use self-hypnosis. In my training program there was a particular article that stuck with me through my baby's birth and in life ever since. The article cautioned that many people question whether or not they will be "prepared enough" or if the "hypnosis will be strong enough" when things progress to the most difficult point. The article advised that when those doubts creep in, instead of asking the pessimistic question, "What if I didn't prepare enough? or "What if I'm not really in hypnosis?" ask yourself this more optimistic question, "What if I HAVE done enough?"
In the back of my mind I constantly have questions like these: Do I have enough "I love you rituals" with my children? Will the responsibilities I have given my children be enough to teach them to be workers and take ownership in their lives? Am I providing my children with the experiences they need to grow in all facets of life? What if I'm not seeing an opportunity or a need in one of my children? Do I allow too much time for things of lesser priority? Of course, there is always room for improvement, but I can spiral into a feeling of hopelessness if I permit myself to answer these questions negatively, believing that I am failing.
Instead I combat these thoughts with the one question, "What if the things I am doing ARE enough?" Then I begin thinking of my efforts, my feelings for my children, the few shapes that I AM able to get a solid hold of and put in place before they fall, and I cling to hope. As I do this, I find myself taking courage to keep trying and refusing to let myself get discouraged and overwhelmed.
Depression is growing among our society at a high rate. Even children are being affected by depression like never before. Dr. Martin Seligman, author of Learned Optimism and The Optimistic Child, has most often found the cause of depression to be a pessimistic thought pattern. He suggests that optimism is the key component in fighting off depression. Optimism begins with our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us--and it can be learned.
Optimism is stifled when we see everything in life through eyes of "permanence." Things change, often for the better. Dr. Seligman's research shows that when thinking of less than perfect situations in life, using words like "today, sometimes, and lately" instead of "always and never" set up a platform for positive thinking and the motivation to begin moving in a more desirable direction to improve your life. Looking at less than ideal factors in life as changeable can give us motivation to do and to try.
Motherhood is very demanding. Many women would consider it the refiner's fire. I firmly believe that most mothers do the very best they know how. I also believe that every effort counts. Great and wonderful things happen because of small and simple things. No mother is perfect. Each of us can only give what we know to be our very best and hold to the idea that it WILL be enough.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Why does it have to be so painful?
In the history of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, many early saints were treated with brutality and injustice. After being repeatedly "exterminated" from several locations in the East (New York, Missouri, Illinois), the group of Latter Day Saints made a large exodus to the West. No one knew where they were going to end up, but after more than 1000 miles Brigham Young, the current prophet, announced "This is the place" as they looked down from the mountains into the dessert valley of the Great Salt Lake.
Some saints could afford to buy a wagon, team of oxen and supplies to make the slow journey. Many saints did not have the money. They made wooden handcarts just big enough to fit the bare necessities for such a journey. The west bound saints traveled in companies. Two well known companies were called the "Martin and the Willie Handcart Companies." These companies are well known because most members had traveled by boat from Scotland and England to the East coast, then by train to Iowa, and then built their handcarts to begin their journey by foot to the new found Valley. These particular saints left too late in the year. Arriving in Wyoming in October, winter hit early. The saints had to cross frozen rivers and walk through blizzarding snow and wind. They were not prepared for winter. They did not have coats, enough blankets, and their shoes were worn out. In fact by that point in the journey, some walked with only rags on their feet, leaving foot prints of blood in the snow. A great number of the companies died. Eventually the rest set up camp and resigned themselves to death also. Brigham Young, already in the Salt Lake Valley, got word of the situation and sent out rescue teams. The saints were rescued and brought to the valley.
Here is my question: "If Heavenly Father is an all powerful God who loves his children, why didn't he stop the storms while his faithful, obedient disciples completed their journey?"
In the Book of Mormon we read in the very beginning the account of Nephi and his family. After leaving all of their riches (and they were "well to do" in Jerusalem), journeying in the wilderness and living as nomads in tents, suffering all kinds of hardship, the Lord commanded Nephi and his brothers to go back to Jerusalem to get the brass plates on which the teachings of the Lord were engraven. The problem was that Laban had possession of the plates and he was a very evil and powerful man. It took Nephi a long journey back, two failed attempts, a beating by stick from his brothers and a visitation from an Angel before he was able to attain the brass plates.
Here is my next question: "Nephi was a humble prophet of God, obeying the commandments in every way...Why did Heavenly Father allow so much hardship and trial to a man so righteous?"
There are so many examples of righteous people enduring unimaginable and horrific experiences. The Latter Saint Pioneers at Farr West, Joseph Smith, Alma & Amulek, to name a few.
The overall question is why does Heavenly Father allow bad things to happen to good people?
"For the Lord suffereth the righteous to be slain that his justice and judgment may come upon the wicked; therefore ye need not suppose that the righteous are lost because they are slain; but behold, they do enter into the rest of the Lord their God." Alma 60:13
Eve partook of the forbidden fruit knowing that having a "mortal experience" of hunger, pain, and sorrow would only make known unto us the joy, happiness, and love that we would otherwise never know. This is the purpose of the "mortal experience."
"For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my first-born in the wilderness, righteousness could not be broutght to pass, enither wickendness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compond in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nore incorruption, happiness nor miser, neither sense nor sensibility. 2 ne 2:11
Kent F. Richards of the Quorum of the Seventy gave a talk in the Spring 2011 General Conference titled "The Atonement Covers All Pain." The following are excerpts from this talk, but I highly recommend reading the full version.
* Elder Orson F. Whitney wrote: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. … It is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire.”1
* Much of our suffering is not necessarily our fault. Unexpected events, contradicting or disappointing circumstances, interrupting illness, and even death surround us and penetrate our mortal experience. Additionally, we may suffer afflictions because of the actions of others.3 Lehi noted that Jacob had “suffered … much sorrow, because of the rudeness of [his] brethren.”4 Opposition is part of Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness. We all encounter enough to bring us to an awareness of our Father’s love and of our need for the Savior’s help.
I'll close this essay with one of my favorite stories:
Some saints could afford to buy a wagon, team of oxen and supplies to make the slow journey. Many saints did not have the money. They made wooden handcarts just big enough to fit the bare necessities for such a journey. The west bound saints traveled in companies. Two well known companies were called the "Martin and the Willie Handcart Companies." These companies are well known because most members had traveled by boat from Scotland and England to the East coast, then by train to Iowa, and then built their handcarts to begin their journey by foot to the new found Valley. These particular saints left too late in the year. Arriving in Wyoming in October, winter hit early. The saints had to cross frozen rivers and walk through blizzarding snow and wind. They were not prepared for winter. They did not have coats, enough blankets, and their shoes were worn out. In fact by that point in the journey, some walked with only rags on their feet, leaving foot prints of blood in the snow. A great number of the companies died. Eventually the rest set up camp and resigned themselves to death also. Brigham Young, already in the Salt Lake Valley, got word of the situation and sent out rescue teams. The saints were rescued and brought to the valley.
Here is my question: "If Heavenly Father is an all powerful God who loves his children, why didn't he stop the storms while his faithful, obedient disciples completed their journey?"
In the Book of Mormon we read in the very beginning the account of Nephi and his family. After leaving all of their riches (and they were "well to do" in Jerusalem), journeying in the wilderness and living as nomads in tents, suffering all kinds of hardship, the Lord commanded Nephi and his brothers to go back to Jerusalem to get the brass plates on which the teachings of the Lord were engraven. The problem was that Laban had possession of the plates and he was a very evil and powerful man. It took Nephi a long journey back, two failed attempts, a beating by stick from his brothers and a visitation from an Angel before he was able to attain the brass plates.
Here is my next question: "Nephi was a humble prophet of God, obeying the commandments in every way...Why did Heavenly Father allow so much hardship and trial to a man so righteous?"
There are so many examples of righteous people enduring unimaginable and horrific experiences. The Latter Saint Pioneers at Farr West, Joseph Smith, Alma & Amulek, to name a few.
The overall question is why does Heavenly Father allow bad things to happen to good people?
"For the Lord suffereth the righteous to be slain that his justice and judgment may come upon the wicked; therefore ye need not suppose that the righteous are lost because they are slain; but behold, they do enter into the rest of the Lord their God." Alma 60:13
Eve partook of the forbidden fruit knowing that having a "mortal experience" of hunger, pain, and sorrow would only make known unto us the joy, happiness, and love that we would otherwise never know. This is the purpose of the "mortal experience."
"For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my first-born in the wilderness, righteousness could not be broutght to pass, enither wickendness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compond in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nore incorruption, happiness nor miser, neither sense nor sensibility. 2 ne 2:11
Kent F. Richards of the Quorum of the Seventy gave a talk in the Spring 2011 General Conference titled "The Atonement Covers All Pain." The following are excerpts from this talk, but I highly recommend reading the full version.
* Elder Orson F. Whitney wrote: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. … It is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire.”1
* Much of our suffering is not necessarily our fault. Unexpected events, contradicting or disappointing circumstances, interrupting illness, and even death surround us and penetrate our mortal experience. Additionally, we may suffer afflictions because of the actions of others.3 Lehi noted that Jacob had “suffered … much sorrow, because of the rudeness of [his] brethren.”4 Opposition is part of Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness. We all encounter enough to bring us to an awareness of our Father’s love and of our need for the Savior’s help.
I'll close this essay with one of my favorite stories:
THE SILVERSMITH
Some time ago, a few ladies met to study the scriptures. While reading the third chapter of Malachi, they came upon a remarkable expression in the third verse:
"And He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver" (Malachi 3:3).
One lady decided to visit a silversmith, and report to the others on what he said about the subject.
She went accordingly, and without telling him the reason for her visit, begged the silversmith to tell her about the process of refining silver. After he had fully described it to her, she asked, "Sir, do you sit while the work of refining is going on?"
"Oh, yes ma'am," replied the silversmith; "I must sit and watch the furnace constantly, for, if the time necessary for refining is exceeded in the slightest degree, the silver will be injured."
The lady at once saw the beauty and comfort of the expression, "He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."
God sees it necessary to put His children into the furnace; but His eye is steadily intent on the work of purifying, and His wisdom and love are both engaged in the best manner for us. Our trials do not come at random, and He will not let us be tested beyond what we can endure.
Before she left, the lady asked one final question, "How do you know when the process is complete?"
"That's quite simple," replied the silversmith. "When I can see my own image in the silver, the refining process is finished."
-Author Unknown
"And He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver" (Malachi 3:3).
One lady decided to visit a silversmith, and report to the others on what he said about the subject.
She went accordingly, and without telling him the reason for her visit, begged the silversmith to tell her about the process of refining silver. After he had fully described it to her, she asked, "Sir, do you sit while the work of refining is going on?"
"Oh, yes ma'am," replied the silversmith; "I must sit and watch the furnace constantly, for, if the time necessary for refining is exceeded in the slightest degree, the silver will be injured."
The lady at once saw the beauty and comfort of the expression, "He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."
God sees it necessary to put His children into the furnace; but His eye is steadily intent on the work of purifying, and His wisdom and love are both engaged in the best manner for us. Our trials do not come at random, and He will not let us be tested beyond what we can endure.
Before she left, the lady asked one final question, "How do you know when the process is complete?"
"That's quite simple," replied the silversmith. "When I can see my own image in the silver, the refining process is finished."
-Author Unknown
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)